Maybe it is time to change the conversation around “boundaries”

What if it is  not just about lack of value in yourself or poor esteem that is the block.

What if the secret was to shift your focus towards what you find valuable in life and then allowing yourself to naturally protect this?

Truth is most people struggle with boundaries for various reasons. First, there's often a lack of clarity about what a boundary actually is, but we definitely feel the impact of their absence in the trail of destruction they leave behind!

A lack of boundaries in our relationships can leave us feeling drained, resentful, and like we got the short end of the stick.

Perhaps you've done enough work to instinctively know that something is missing, and that something might be your own responsibility. However, there's a block.

The major obstacle to setting boundaries is fear.

You might start worrying about how to assert the boundary, what to say, and how the other person will respond. If you assert your boundaries from a place of emotion, like when you're upset, afraid, or triggered, it doesn't always come across as intended, and you may receive a negative response.

This can make us pull back.

In simple terms, there are two things to remember about boundaries.

First, it's about your standards, and the question you need to ask yourself is, "What is my standard around this?"

Second, and this is the key, those standards are driven by your values.

 This is where you can find more ease and grace  in setting boundaries.

Once you know your values, knowing what the boundary is becomes much simpler because that's the question you really have to ask yourself.

"What's the value for me in this situation, and what is the value that I need to assert and protect?"

Ultimately, that's what a boundary is.

Here, you can let go of worrying about being too hard, rude, mean, too sensitive, or doubting whether it's okay for you to have boundaries.

Boundaries no longer become something you're afraid to do due to fears of judgment or having to explain yourself. Instead, they become a standard you want to protect because they are so valuable. This opens up new ways of calmly and confidently communicating.

So, the next question is, do you know what you value in your life?

Not everyone does or has clarity about what it means for them and how it can influence what they pay attention to, ultimately shaping what they want to protect and set boundaries around.

This is an incredible lifehack because it bridges the gap to valuing yourself more.

I sometimes get frustrated with the common perception that a lack of boundaries automatically indicates low self-esteem. While this can be true, I know and work with some strong and confident people who can tolerate most parts of themselves quite well but still struggle with boundaries in certain areas.

So, what's the secret?

Well, let me share a truth: there's no magic elixir that will make you value yourself more. Truly, you are as valuable today as you were the day you were born.

The bridge is paying attention to what you REALLY value.

Choosing to FOCUS on that value.

Giving that value PRIORITY.

Taking actions to EXPAND on that energy.

And then... there's a bit of magic pixie dust. You actually begin to LIVE the value and, as a result, FEEL VALUABLE.

Instead of fixating on what it means to value yourself and seeking external validation, we can expand our own inner radiance by investing our energy into what we value.

And it is in this place that boundaries simply protect what is valuable to you.

This can be your time, your space, your health, your fun, your light, your innate goodness. It can also be about honesty, truth, and growth.

Simple, right? Maybe?

Let me give you an example that has been invaluable to me in setting boundaries and has opened up beautiful mutual understanding in my relationships.

Let's talk about the issue of placing boundaries around self-care, particularly for individuals (often women) who have played the role of a "caregiver" throughout their lives.

I've lost count of the number of wonderful women who need to learn how to set this boundary. There seems to be an overwhelming number of people who have always identified themselves as "caretakers" and learned from an early age that they are "valuable" only if they are constantly "doing" for others.

You know what I mean—doing, fixing, healing, supporting, saving...

And it's not that these actions are unimportant; they are. However, believing that they are the only things that make us valuable is where our boundaries become undone, and we end up doing ourselves an injustice.

This is about not recognizing our TRUE value in who we are, not just what we DO.

When this mindset seeps into our relationships, there's a risk of getting stuck in patterns where we have served our partner more than they have served us.

We can still be valuable, even if we don't do the same things for others as we used to. We become valued for how we care, how we love, and simply for our presence.

Perhaps this means we need to prioritize self-care, letting go of guilt or the notion that it's somehow indulgent. And there is a way to do this.

Let's consider the bigger picture of how much you value your health and why it's important to you.

When we examine our WHY, some of the stories and myths around self-care being selfish can fall away. We can think about health as the gateway to a longer, happier life, allowing us to show up for others with positivity and a greater sense of balance, ultimately leading to more JOY.

By unpacking health as a value and prioritizing it accordingly, we can move it up the list of our focuses.

And we know what happens when we CHOOSE to focus on something—it expands. It may involve taking actions to prioritize and live that value. It may involve understanding why it is truly important and protecting it like a precious jewel.

With this mindset, our self-worth soars, and it becomes much simpler to be strong and resolute about what matters most.

Because boundaries are not just for other people; they are for us. 

Boundary setting becomes much more about being proud of what you value than about setting rules, restrictions, and enforcing punishments.

If you are interested in exploring your values further, I have a simple values activity that allows you to examine what is important to you, how you feel when these values are present in your life, and what arises when they are absent.

If you'd like to receive this valuable activity, simply hit reach out!

hello@rebeccaeather.com

To automatically work on making setting boundaries easier and to re-wire your mind,

Click here for your FREE Hypnosis Audio around Boundaries

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zwKB_K79XpSLDgP1xAjZu40udA4EAbqt/view?usp=drive_link